MY BLOG POSTS

Like many females, I spend WAY more time in my head than I should. I carry on imaginary conversations, I worry about nonexistent circumstances, I project out one week – or one year – and freak out about things that are pretty likely to never happen.

I have done this so much that I have been angry at people for things they never actually said. I have lived in dread of a future that doesn’t exist. I can sometimes get “stuck” in my head and forget about the real world all together!

If you’re reading this and think I am crazy (you’re right…I’m already imagining what you’re saying right now), just move on from here. Check Snap Chat or bask in what must be the glorious freedom of an unencumbered mind. For the rest of you…you are not alone!!

So what do we do — other than becoming writers and channeling that overactive imagination into something useful?

We wage war.

Yep, that’s right. Our minds are a battlefield. And a particularly effective one for our Enemy because no one knows what goes on in there except God and us. We can be living in total freak out mode on the inside and pretend to have it all together on the outside. We can even pass ourselves off as super godly, I-got-it-all-together girls whose worst problem is whether or not to attend the Saturday night or Sunday morning service at church.

And that would be fine if God were asking us to put on a great front. But that’s the EXACT OPPOSITE of what He asks. He wants us to be honest with ourselves and honest with Him (because He already knows the crazy in our heads, anyway!). He wants us to love Him with all our hearts, soul, strength, and mind (Luke 10:27). How do we love God with our mind? By taking every thought captive to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5).

That means when those thoughts fly in – the ones that you know don’t need to be there – you push them out. On our own, that may seem impossible. But we’re not on our own! If you are a Christian, you have the Holy Spirit living inside you. You have the power of God available to you! You have the Words of God literally at your fingertips. Those are our weapons. We fight lies with Truth. We battle the Enemy by remembering Who is fighting on our behalf.

Ladies, this takes work. Especially if, like me, you have spent far too much time giving your mind free reign. We can develop bad habits of sitting back and letting our minds run with thoughts that don’t need to be there. We have to be proactive: memorize verses, pray, listen to sermons or worship music. We need to develop new habits, train our minds to love God and honor Him. It’s a daily exercise, and it isn’t easy. But it sure beats the alternative!

Girls, allow me to let you in on a hidden truth:  We ALL deal with insecurities. Every. Single. One of us.

Believe it or not, the really pretty girls – the ones with the perfect skin and teeth and hair and body – are very often the MOST insecure. Seriously! I have seen it over and over again. We look at those girls and think how much we wish we could look like them, and they look at themselves and pick out every flaw. 

Girls who are smart or athletic or talented struggle with comparing themselves to those who are smarter, more athletic, or more talented. Even the ones who are “the best” battle with feeling like they don’t quite measure up. Some more than others, certainly, but everyone, at some point feels “less than”.

So losing that weight, getting your face cleared up, or minimizing the thigh gap won’t solve the problem. Neither will studying harder or working out longer or taking voice/dance/acting lessons. None of those are wrong, necessarily, in themselves. But if you are pursuing any of them as a solution to your insecurities, then you will discover that you never “arrive”.

The real issue, friends, is that we think WAY too much about ourselves. It’s a form of pride…I’m not pretty enough, I’m not smart enough, I’m not good enough. Take a minute and think about how often you think about yourself in a given day. Or even a given hour. A lot, right?

So the solution to these issues isn’t the latest fad diet or cream or clinic. The solution to insecurity is thinking of yourself less. Focus on God’s word and His work. Knowing everyone is battling with something, look for ways to build others up. Fill your mind with Truth and share that Truth with others. Point out what is lovely in your friends and encourage them with that. Meditate on scripture, and allow God’s words to fill those places in your mind that are overfilled with “you”. Don’t leave space in your mind for the “not good enough” thoughts. Remind yourself that you were made by God, and He loves you.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Phil. 4:8

Christians are often characterized by a long lists of “don’ts” – we say no to a lot of things that the rest of the world embraces. Sometimes, we can get tired of following all those rules and just decide to do our own thing. Other times, we can feel really great about being such good rule-followers and look down on those who aren’t like us.

Neither of these attitudes is what Jesus wants of us.

For many years, I was one of the “I’m better than you are” Christians. I prided myself on the fact that I  went to a Bible college, passed out tracts at every opportunity, went to church every Sunday, didn’t drink or smoke or swear…I looked at others who ‘fell short’, and, like the pharisee in Luke 18, prided myself on being ‘so much better’ than them.

Once I came out of that mentality, I was appalled my my previous behavior, and so I swung to the other extreme – Everything is all right. Who am I to judge others? Let’s just be loving and accepting. I began to skim over the “don’ts” in the Bible because those make people uncomfortable, and how can I, as a follower of Christ, do anything to make people uncomfortable? That seems wrong somehow.

In both cases, I misunderstood what Grace is. Over the past couple decades, God has been helping me better understand Grace. The bottom line is that Grace is a gift. Eph. 2:8-9 tells us that. And, as such, it is to be received. It can’t be earned, nor can we force it on anyone else. We choose to accept it, and we offer that choice to others.

And those “don’ts”? Those aren’t there to stifle us or to inhibit us. They are there because of Grace. God, as the best Father in the universe, wants what is best for us. So he tells us what to avoid, just like the parent of a toddler tells him not to touch a hot stove or run out into the street. He knows what will damage us, and He wants to protect us from those things. And so, instead of being angry at His commands, our response should be gratefulness. We should follow Him, not because we are trying to be rule-followers or “holier than thou”, but because He we love Him and we want to obey Him. Even when we don’t understand, and even when it seems “everybody else is doing it.” Even, friends, if obeying God offends those who don’t know Him.

The doctrine of Grace is tough. I don’t pretend to be an expert on it. I have failed in this area more than I have succeeded. But even in that, I say with Paul, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Cor. 12:9)

Walk in Grace, sisters. Immerse yourself in the amazing fact that God has given us what we don’t deserve, simply because He loves us. He is good. And we are His!

Growing up, the adage I always heard was, “Watch how your future husband treats his mom – that’s how he will treat you.” And there is some truth to that. But, girls, I think it’s more realistic to watch how he treats his siblings. And vice-versa. The sibling relationship mirrors the husband-wife relationship more than you may think.

For one, you live under the same roof, sometimes in the same room as your siblings. Like marriage, siblinghood is, for better or for worse, a partnership. And, unless you have super permissive parents, there are ways you speak to your sibling that you would NEVER speak to your parents. Siblings know your “hot buttons” and sometimes press them unmercifully. Siblings have the power to make life at home great or horrible. Siblings go through life with you, understand your circumstances in ways no one else, not even your best friend, can understand. You can’t fool a sibling. They know who you are. And, Lord willing, your siblings will also be your life-long friends.

There are exceptions, of course. Some are only children and don’t know the trials and joys of sibling relationships. Some just have truly mean siblings, with no chance of a close relationship. I get that. God often gives those exceptions good friends that feel like siblings, or exceptionally close relationships with their parents or other family members.

But for the rest of you – God gave you siblings. And believe me when I tell you, you’ll fight with your spouse the same way you fight with your siblings. You’re developing patterns right now that you will carry with you. Conflict is inevitable. Even with the love of your life. If, when you fight with your siblings, you yell and scream, slam doors and pout — you’ll do that with your spouse. If you apologize and work through difficulties – you’ll do that too. If you blame your sibling for everything, treat him/her like a second-class citizen, constantly compete with him/her, hardly ever talk with him/her…chances are pretty high that you’ll do the same in your marriage.

You siblings will annoy you, you will disagree and fight and say things you shouldn’t. You’re human. But what will you do after that fight? Refuse to forgive, stop talking, bad mouth that sibling to anyone who will listen? Or seek forgiveness and restoration, show grace and mercy? These are the patterns you will take from the home of your childhood into your own home one day.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” ~ 2Cor. 13:11