When I direct shows – no matter what show – I find there are some things I say over and over again. Yesterday, as I was rehearsing with my “Annie” cast, I repeated one of my favorite mantras: “How you rehearse is how you’ll perform.”
Actors often balk at this. Many believe they can just go through the motions in rehearsal, but once opening night comes, they will “really” perform.
But, after a dozen years and almost two dozen shows, I can say with confidence that is NOT true. Yes, there is more energy on performance nights. But the actual delivering of lines, singing of songs, and execution of choreography is pretty much identical to what was demonstrated in rehearsal. How you rehearse is how you’ll perform.
After repeating that yesterday, I thought about how that’s true in life, as well. I’ve mentioned this in previous posts, but it bears repeating — teens, you are “rehearsing” marriage and family with your parents and siblings. You are “rehearsing” adult relationships with your middle and high school friends. If you work out problems with friends and family now, you’ll do the same as an adult. If you hold grudges or scream and yell, that behavior will carry with you.
Just like some of my actors, teens balk at this. They’re sure they’ll be wonderful to their husbands and kids — because their husbands and kids will be wonderful! Unlike their parents and siblings. But the fact is that no family is perfect. Even the ones that seem to be. There are always hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and unrealized expectations. How you deal with those NOW will shape how you deal with them later.
Take it from someone who didn’t do this right as a teen. When I was upset, I just ran up to my room and shut the door. I didn’t talk about my frustrations, didn’t seek to work things out, didn’t ask forgiveness. I just waited up there until I felt the coast was clear and went on like nothing happened. I hated confrontation, hated being vulnerable. Like the actress I was, I just pretended everything was fine, when inside I was hurt and angry.
Because I didn’t “rehearse” well, I came into marriage with the same patterns. When Dave and I would fight, my instinct was to run away. When he tried to have a meaningful conversation, I clammed up. Thankfully, he was patient and persistent with me. Thanks to him, I am better now than I used to be. But even 23 years later, I would still rather run than deal.
So, as I told my cast, stop acting like this isn’t important!! What you do now is incredibly important. You are becoming who you will be. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you grow in those weak areas, to do the hard things, and to “perform” this life, right now, as if it mattered. Because it absolutely does!
