MY BLOG POSTS
This is NOT a Rehearsal
When I direct shows – no matter what show – I find there are some things I say over and over again. Yesterday, as I was rehearsing with my “Annie” cast, I repeated one of my favorite mantras: “How you rehearse is how you’ll perform.”
Actors often balk at this. Many believe they can just go through the motions in rehearsal, but once opening night comes, they will “really” perform.
But, after a dozen years and almost two dozen shows, I can say with confidence that is NOT true. Yes, there is more energy on performance nights. But the actual delivering of lines, singing of songs, and execution of choreography is pretty much identical to what was demonstrated in rehearsal. How you rehearse is how you’ll perform.
After repeating that yesterday, I thought about how that’s true in life, as well. I’ve mentioned this in previous posts, but it bears repeating — teens, you are “rehearsing” marriage and family with your parents and siblings. You are “rehearsing” adult relationships with your middle and high school friends. If you work out problems with friends and family now, you’ll do the same as an adult. If you hold grudges or scream and yell, that behavior will carry with you.
Just like some of my actors, teens balk at this. They’re sure they’ll be wonderful to their husbands and kids — because their husbands and kids will be wonderful! Unlike their parents and siblings. But the fact is that no family is perfect. Even the ones that seem to be. There are always hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and unrealized expectations. How you deal with those NOW will shape how you deal with them later.
Take it from someone who didn’t do this right as a teen. When I was upset, I just ran up to my room and shut the door. I didn’t talk about my frustrations, didn’t seek to work things out, didn’t ask forgiveness. I just waited up there until I felt the coast was clear and went on like nothing happened. I hated confrontation, hated being vulnerable. Like the actress I was, I just pretended everything was fine, when inside I was hurt and angry.
Because I didn’t “rehearse” well, I came into marriage with the same patterns. When Dave and I would fight, my instinct was to run away. When he tried to have a meaningful conversation, I clammed up. Thankfully, he was patient and persistent with me. Thanks to him, I am better now than I used to be. But even 23 years later, I would still rather run than deal.
So, as I told my cast, stop acting like this isn’t important!! What you do now is incredibly important. You are becoming who you will be. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you grow in those weak areas, to do the hard things, and to “perform” this life, right now, as if it mattered. Because it absolutely does!
The Perfect Relationship
Most girls crave relationships. We want to be known and loved and thought about. We want to share our feelings, our ups and downs, our questions and frustrations with those who will listen and understand. We spend hours watching movies and TV shows that glorify these kinds of relationships – perfect marriages and friendships where brief struggles are resolved and everyone lives happily ever after.
The reality, of course, is that friendships aren’t always beautiful, and marriage isn’t always perfect. There are glimpses of beauty, of course, and moments of perfection in these relationships. But anytime sinful humans are involved, there will be tears, frustrations, annoyances…Our friends can be draining, our guys can be insensitive. Or vice-versa! Feelings get hurt, we say things we regret. What we thought was the “perfect” relationship, we realize, is flawed. Disappointing. So we “start over” with another friend, another guy. But no one can live up to unrealistic, super-human expectations. So the cycle continues.
UNLESS we understand this: What we are craving – a soul-deep, unconditional love – is already ours! The God who created us gave us those cravings, and they will only be fully satisfied in Him. Not even the greatest of BFF’s or the most amazing of boyfriends/husbands can truly meet all our needs. They aren’t supposed to! In fact, one of the greatest paradoxes in life is that the more we try to find fulfillment in another person, the more empty we feel.
However, when we fully surrender to the One who loves us more than we can possibly imagine, we find everything we are looking for. We find true, soul-deep, unconditional love. And God’s love in us allows us to love others without unrealistic expectations. God’s love in us allows us to forgive offenses and be patient with shortcomings and always hope for the best. It even allows us to walk away, if a relationship is destructive. Because the only One we “need” is the One who will never leave us, forsake us, or let us down.
So, as you’re searching for “the perfect relationship”, don’t look around. Look up. The “one” is already there, already loving you and listening to you and knowing you. You already have what you want.
Failure Builds Character
You need to fail.
Really.
Failure teaches us lessons that no amount of success or fear or apathy can ever achieve.
The problem is that SO many of us will do anything to avoid failure. We won’t even try something if we think we might fail. We’ll take the easier road to avoid it. We set ourselves up for success and then we pat ourselves on the back for being successful. Our American mindset simply doesn’t have room for failure. 
But a biblical mindset can accept failure. Even embrace it. Why? Here are a few reasons:
Failure teaches humility. When we fail, we turn to God for strength (which we should be doing all the time!), and we are reminded that only when we are weak can we truly be strong (2 Cor. 12:10). This is humility – recognizing all we have is from God and for God.
Failure teaches compassion. When we fail, we have more compassion for others who have failed. I used to think I could do anything I set my mind to. And then God allowed several circumstances in my life that showed me I couldn’t. It was painful and humbling, but so very necessary. I can minister more effectively having learned that lesson, and I can love more freely.
Failure teaches dependence. Sometimes, when we experience success after success, we forget that we need God. We can even sometimes get a “god complex” ourselves, believing we can fix others or save them on our own. When we fail, we are reminded how much we need God. Our times in His word are richer, our time in prayer is more beautiful. When we recognize our emptiness, He fills us.
Failure teaches repentance. Often our failures are a result of our sin. And ALL sin. Even believers. Until we are united with Christ in our new bodies, we will battle with the sinful nature in these bodies. That’s why Jesus came – to forgive our sins. But sometimes, we fail to acknowledge our sinfulness. We either focus on the “worse” sins of others or the “good” things we do, and ignore our own sins. This, friends, is a trick of our Enemy. Repentance brings life and joy and freedom. God is waiting to forgive us when we ask (I John 1:9). But we need to ask. We need to confess. We must acknowledge that we sin and need both his forgiveness and His strength to overcome temptations.
Failure is part of life. We don’t need to avoid it or deny it. Whether it’s because of our own actions, the actions of others, or circumstances beyond our control, we will fail. How we deal with that failure will determine who we are. Don’t get buried beneath it. Through Christ, as can rise above our failure, we can grow from it, and we can know Him better.
Watch Your Language
This post is a little different than my usual. But it struck me recently that, after this year, every student currently enrolled in school will graduate in the 20’s and 30’s. The 20’s and 30’s!
As an English teacher, I have made some observations about our language over the past couple decades. I’m not talking about language in the bad/good sense, but in its actual use as a spoken, written, and read language.
Get to the point. Whether it’s the opening of a television show, a news article, or a blog post, we have been conditioned to get to the point and move on. No details, no superfluous words, just the facts.
Spelling doesn’t matter. We are creating our own spelling in the 21st century. If a word is too long, we’ll replace letters with numbers (gr8; b4) or just use the first letters in a phrase (lol; omw).
Books are boring. When I started teaching, I could assign books like Great Expectations and The Scarlet Letter and, while my students may not have loved them, the majority read them. Today, those books are overwhelming to most students, who will likely give up after the first few pages and simply watch a YouTube summary instead. (Hang with me, this isn’t a “beat up the kids” post, I promise)
Teens know more. While they may not read 500 page books, teens today read the equivalent amount of words in social media and on their phones. They read and write more daily than I ever did at their age. And when they don’t know something, they can look it up immediately. They know so much!! We don’t give them enough credit for this (see, I told you to hang with me!).
Images are replacing words. Everyone knows this, but the change, as an essayist postulated over 20 years ago, has the potential to be as 
monumental to humanity as was the shift from being a oral culture to a written one. We are moving away from being a written culture and into a “visual” culture.
So what does all this mean? What are we losing by reducing the length of the works we read, the words we spell, even the stories we tell? I believe that all this breadth of knowledge can prevent us from having real depth. We need to slow down to really think about the world, about God, about our purpose. We need to sit quietly to process and pray. We don’t need to try and turn back the clock. We need to enjoy new developments and, as a teacher, I need to prepare my students to understand this visual culture, even as I continue to challenge them to enjoy the beauty of the written language.
Parents, we must to learn to navigate the world our kids are living in. We need to understand their technology, to engage with them in it, and to protect them from it, when necessary. And teens, give your parents some credit — they have a lot to teach you about the joys of words and stories, the thrill of wrestling through a great book. Our world may be changing, but we don’t need to leave the old behind. Classic books aren’t as overwhelming as you may think. Writing styles may have changed, but we still know boys like Pip and women like Hester; the themes of maturity and hypocrisy still ring true. And we learn from those who have wrestled through those issues before us.
Language is important. It’s the vehicle God used to tell us about Himself. His son is called the Word! Language may be changing, but it is still precious. Let’s protect it, even as we develop new ways to communicate our ideas.