MY BLOG POSTS

So I was thinking about Mix Tapes today.

Some of you “oldies” reading this know exactly what a Mix Tape is. You may still have one or two of those tapes locked away in your “memories box.” I was never organized enough to keep one of those. Except for the one in my skull. And that one doesn’t always hold memories so well.

But I digress.

For those of you who don’t know, let me explain:

First, you’d have to buy a blank cassette tape. The kids with lots of spending money got the fancy see-through kind that was supposed to record perfectly, making you wonder “Is it live…or is it Memorex?” For those of us whose budgets were more limited, we bought one that looked like this:

We then put it in the right side of a double cassette player. In left side, we put the tape of the song we wanted to record first. Then we recorded. I, for one, had a terrible cassette player that not only recorded the song on the left side, but also every other noise in the room. So if a sister came in, or a door slammed, or I sneezed, I’d have to start all over again.

And we agonized over the song choices. Paula Abdhul’s “Straight Up” was bold — telling that guy he needed to let you know where you stood. Bon Jovi’s “I’ll Be There for You” was only for those in serious, committed relationships. Like 6 month anniversary mix tapes. Christian kids put songs like “I Will Be Here” by Steven Curtis Chapman, and “Love of a Lifetime” by Michael W. Smith. Creative types pulled from their parents’ old music – songs like “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” by Diana Ross and “When I Saw Her Standing There” by the Beatles.

Every song meant something, and the length of the mix tape reflected the depth of your feelings . The full sixty minutes meant you were serious. Just one side…still not sure, maybe scared, maybe just really bad at making mix tapes.

Sadly, those days are gone. And what has replaced mix tapes? I don’t know. Folders on your iTunes accounts? Not the same. Special ring tones sent to that special someone? You tell me…how do you show your love through music in the 21st century?

And make it good.

We did.

I am not the best writer. I’m not the best teacher. I’m not the best wife or mom or friend, either, for that matter. As much as I love all of these roles, there are LOTS of other people who write, teach, wife, mom, and friend WAY better than I do.

Even though that is pretty obvious, I think sometimes we beat ourselves up over the fact that we’re not the best. Sometimes, we even refuse to try something new because there are so many others who do it better.

The Choir teacher at my school has a poster that says…

So true!

We are so quick to sing our failures: “I’m not a very good athlete – why bother trying out for the team?” “I can’t audition for the musical. There are SO many singers better than me.” “Why even apply for that college? They wouldn’t let me in.”

So we miss out on opportunities just because we aren’t “the best.”

Forget being “the” best. Focus instead on being YOUR best. Maybe you’re not the pitcher on your softball team. That’s all right. Be the best outfielder you can be! Maybe you get a part in the ensemble and not a lead in the musical — that can actually be more fun! Enjoy it! And write the best college application essay you can write. Even if you don’t get in every school you apply for, at least you know you gave your best in applying. Trust that God even works through our weaknesses to get us where He wants us.

Being “the best” is overrated, girls. Being YOUR best is much more satisfying and far more attainable.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” ~Col. 3:23

I am writing this from my grandmother’s kitchen table in McKenzie, TN. There’s a lot I love about this little town – so many great memories from my years visiting here as a child/teen, so much I notice when I drive down the street. But one thing I don’t notice that my kids always do is that the folks here speak with an accent. People around here take more time speaking, their words tend to have more syllables, and their vowels slide on the way out. It’s lovely.

My kids notice accents when we visit my father-in-law in Long Island, too. Their accent is VERY different from my friends and family in McKenzie, but it’s there. We love hearing people discuss “wada” and “cowafee,” hearing the “th” sound reduced to a “t”, the lilt that comes at the end of phrases.

People can open their mouths and, very often, we can tell where they’re from. At least generally — “you must be from the south/northeast/west coast/Michigan.”

People can tell more than just your heritage when you speak, though. Spend time with someone, and you’ll know what’s important to them by what comes out of their mouth.

So as I think about accents today, I am thinking less about WHAT I sound like than WHO I sound like. I want to open my mouth and, within minutes, have people know that I love Jesus, that I sound like Him.

I am asking myself these questions tudahyee (spoken in a true southern accent). Am I accented by Christ-like speech? Are my words “seasoned with grace”? Do I demonstrate love, integrity, and holiness when I talk? Do I have a “Jesus accent”? If not, why not? And what do I need to do to change my accent so it has more ‘Jesus’ than ‘Krista’?

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” I Timothy 4:12 (emphasis mine)

Communication. Of all the issues teen girls and their parents have, this, in my opinion, is the biggest. Why? Because when communication breaks down or disappears, everything else falls apart, as well. When we can’t talk about what’s going on, what concerns we have, what we should and shouldn’t do as mothers and daughters, then what?

As a mom of two teen girls, one of my greatest concerns is that my daughters won’t feel comfortable telling me what’s going on in their lives. I don’t expect to be my kids’ best friend. They have those, and those girls are awesome. I am the mom. But I do want to be a good mom, one who my girls can come to and share their fears, their joys, and their frustrations. In pursuit of that, over the years, I have surveyed dozens of moms who have raised daughters and whose relationships with those daughters are strong. Here are some tips I have learned from them:

Assume the best. Daughters, assume your mom loves you and wants to hear from you. Moms, assume your daughters want your encouragement and help.

Forgive past hurts. This is, by far, the biggest barrier to healthy relationships. Of course, our parents are going to hurt us. We are going to hurt our parents. We are sinful beings. If we refuse to have relationships with anyone who is imperfect, we will live a lonely life. So accept the imperfect person that is your mom or your daughter and lavish forgiveness on her. Think of all that we have been forgiven — by the Creator of the universe! There is great freedom in forgiveness, but bondage in unforgiveness.

Be honest. Tell your mom/daughter what you’re really thinking, what you’re struggling with. Life is complicated enough. Don’t make it more complicated by pretending you are something you’re not. There are people with whom you need to be guarded with your heart. But your mom/daughter isn’t one of them.

Make time for each other. I know about busy. Believe me! But we moms and daughters have to make time for each other. Often. Take a walk together, go to the grocery together. Sit on the couch together. Go out for dessert. Meaningful conversation doesn’t happen by accident. We have to be intentional about cultivating our relationships.

Now I want to hear from you. What are ways you have found to help your mother-daughter relationship flourish? What hindrances to that relationship have you seen in your own lives or others’? Do tell!