MY BLOG POSTS
End-of-Year Evaluation
School for us got out last Thursday (sorry to rub it in to those of you who still have a few weeks left!). At the end of the school year, I like to look back and see where I am compared to where I was. I look back over the past twelve months and evaluate my experiences, my choices, my growth.
Last year at this time, I was exhausted – about as close to burn-out as I’d ever been. I loved everything I was doing. I was just doing too much. And the cost of doing too much was that I was stretched out thin, with very little time to relax and enjoy life. Even my devotions had become dry: just another check mark on my daily “to do” list. I finished each task relieved, not rejoicing. And I faced each new task exhausted, not expectant.
So when I looked to the 2013-2014 school year, I knew I had to make some changes. I had to cut back. So I did. I taught fewer classes, wrote fewer books, pared down the amount of ministries I was involved in at church. I took a step back and asked myself “What is God asking me to do?” I needed to say “yes” to Him and Him alone. And though that meant saying “no” to people and opportunities I loved, it was necessary.
I am so glad I did that. With fewer demands on my time, I have been able to reconnect with my husband. We 
talk – really talk – for hours. It’s wonderful. I’ve had more “down time” with my kids, too. Not scheduled quality time, just time. We sit and talk while they’re doing homework, or while I drive them to sports practices. We hang out at home and watch a favorite TV show.
Best of all, my time with God has been sweeter, better, more meaningful. I have gotten to bed on time, which allows me to wake up early and have that time with Him before I begin my day. My mind isn’t so full of “to do” lists, so I can spend more time throughout the day in prayer, which makes me focus more on others and less on myself.
This year has not been without struggles, but I have had time to deal with those struggles in a healthy way. And because of that, I have grown more. I have greater peace, greater joy, and greater dependence on God as a result of simply taking the time to rest.
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” ~Mt. 11:29
First Drafts Are Always Rough
I talk to and hear from aspiring writers who have ideas and dreams but are afraid – afraid they can’t do it, that their idea won’t be good enough. So they don’t start. These folks are usually perfectionists who feel that if they can’t produce a perfect product, they might as well not even try.
Here’s where being a teacher before I became a writer really comes in handy: all first drafts are rough! I have brilliant students. Really. But even the best and brightest turn in first drafts that need work. And I can spot the areas where they need work – that’s my job. If they take time to listen to me, to make the corrections I suggest, their papers are inevitably better. Second (and third and fourth…) drafts are ALWAYS better than the first.
The first time I got editorial notes from my publisher, I was overwhelmed: 14 pages of notes. 14!! I am NOT a perfectionist, so my first instinct was to delete the email and forget it. That’s too much work!! And it’s all detail stuff. I hate details!
But I thought of my students. I thought of all the notes I leave on their papers, suggestions to make them better. Just like it’s my job to help them improve as writers, it is my editors’ job to help me improve as a writer. And my editors are phenomenal at their job. They are experts at what makes a story good, what is beneficial and what is not. So I printed the notes, took out my highlighter and dug into them. As I read, I saw how right they were. Parts of my story had holes. Some of my characters were dull. My math was wrong. So I went into the manuscript, combed through it and fixed those problems.
When my husband and I were attending language school in Costa Rica, one of our teachers told us, “You have to make a million mistakes before you become fluent in Spanish. So start making your million.” He said that to free us from the fear that we will sound stupid (we did) or make mistakes (I once offered a guy a beer when I meant to offer him cherries). Everyone makes mistakes. Expect it – don’t avoid it. It is as true for writing as it was for language learning.
So start writing! Leave the red and green squigglies there. You can come back to them later. Just keep writing, keep working. Get that first draft done. Sure, it’ll be a mess. They always are! But make that mess. You – and others – can clean it up later. But don’t let fear of failure keep you from writing. You may have a book that I need to read! So get to it! Start making your million.
Not What I Signed Up For
When my husband and I got married, we made lots of plans. I was finishing college, and he was starting seminary. The “plan” was that, when I graduated from the University of South Florida, we’d move to Dallas so he could complete his masters degree at Dallas Theological Seminary. I would teach English while Dave was finishing his program, and we’d live on campus. When he graduated, he’d get a job somewhere (hopefully back in Tampa!), and we’d settle down and start a family.
Here’s what really happened: As I was entering my senior year of college, at the ripe age of 23 (I spent two years at a bible school before beginning work on my bachelor’s degree), I discovered we were pregnant.
That was NOT part of the plan.
Dave and I had already determined that, when we did have children, I’d stay home with them. But that was supposed to happen AFTER he finished seminary and we were settled (preferably back in Tampa!). We had also already determined that we were moving to Texas right after I graduated. But now, right after I graduated, I’d have an infant. I did NOT want to move someplace where I knew NO ONE, not with an infant!
Dave was far more confident than I. He was thrilled we were pregnant, and he was sure God would work out all the details and give us what we needed in Texas. I doubted and struggled and fought to stay in Florida, where it was safe and comfortable, and where our baby would be surrounded by people who loved her. I questioned why God would change the plans that had seemed so solid.
In less than a year, I knew exactly why God changed those plans. He didn’t want me to work full-time while we lived in Texas. He didn’t want us to live in Dallas. He had a church for us south of Dallas, in Midlothian, where the people would accept us and our baby like family. A church that would help us grow in our relationship with Him and in our understanding of what Grace is. He had friends for me that were stay-at-home moms, friends I never would have had time to get to know if I were working. These friends taught me more about parenting than I could ever learn from books or videos. They saw me through two more pregnancies and supported us in every way as we sought the next chapter in the story God was writing in our lives.
Proverbs 19:21 tells us, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”
While there is nothing wrong with making plans, it is important for us to remember that we need to hold those plans loosely. God’s purposes are far greater than our plans, far more fulfilling. As I have experienced, those purposes aren’t always immediately obvious. But his purposes are always for our good, to give us a future and a hope.
Amazing Love
More songs, poems, books, and movies have been written about love than any other subject. We love love. We long for it, hunger for it, diet for it, scheme for it.
To yearn for love is not only natural, it is Divine. God has given each of us a hunger for true love. But too many of us look to satisfy that hunger in the wrong way, with the wrong people. And we end up unhappy, hurt, and broken.
The Apostle John is known for his themes of love. In his gospel, he refers to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” In his letters, he tells us that God’s love is so great, our response should be to share that love with others. In his Revelation, John longs for the day when we will be able to spend eternity loving Jesus in spirit and in truth. John fully embraced the love God lavished on him, and he responded with humility and wholehearted commitment.
We will never be fully satisfied until we accept the love God has for us. When we look to other people to fill that God-sized hole inside us, we will always be disappointed. But when we live in the light of God’s love, we are free to love others without limits, without unrealistic expectations. We can be full of joy, even in difficult circumstances, because we know that God will never leave us or forsake us, that his love is eternal.