MY BLOG POSTS

A few years back, I asked  a former student attending a Christian college if her school had a dress code. She said yes. I was waiting to hear a long list of what could and could not be worn on campus. Instead, she told me their policy was just seven words:

My daughter, Emma, with her bff, Nicole

“No crack in front or in back”

I laughed. Because the images that popped into my head were pretty funny.

But, seriously,  does it matter what you wear? Do Christians really need to dress differently? Or is that just for those strict ultra-conservative folks who want to suck all the fun out of life whenever they can?

Here’s what I think: how we dress is important. It reflects who we are, how we think of ourselves. Teens express themselves by what they wear: are they hipster? sporty? artsy? preppy?

My daughter, Ellie, with bff’s Mercy and Jessica

But here’s another thing: how we dress doesn’t just affect us. Other people have to see  us. And, girls, guys are looking at what you wear. And what you don’t wear. Guys are WAY more visual than we are. When we see a guy in short shorts, our first instinct is to gag (really — what are they thinking??). But when guys see girls in short shorts, their brain starts going places we, as sisters in Christ, don’t want it to go.

God made us beautiful, girls. But there are certain parts of our anatomy that need to stay covered. We don’t want to advertise what is not for sale. Yes, I know – it’s hard to find clothes that cover “the cracks in front and back.” But those clothes are out there, I promise.

So, yes, this is a “mom” post. But we moms aren’t out to get you or make your life miserable or keep you hopelessly out of style. We love you and want the very best for you. We want people to see you, not just for who you are, but for whose you are — a treasured daughter of the King.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” I Peter 3:3-4

As a mother of three – two teenage girls and an almost-teen boy – I think the practice of arranged marriages should be reinstated.

Forget the fact that my husband and I wouldn’t be married if that practice had been in place when we were dating, nor would any of our friends. Or our siblings. But whatever. I am a parent now, not a young person looking for my soul mate.

So back to the topic. I will explain my reasons using bullet points. Because no one can argue with bullet points.

Here we go.

Why the practice of arranged marriages should be reinstated:

• I want to pick who my co-grandma is going to be. I mean, seriously, I have some friends who would be terrific grandma’s! We could go shopping for baby clothes together, we could take the little tykes to the zoo together. And if we are friends, we won’t argue over who gets the kids on Thanksgiving. We’d just all eat together. One big happy family!
• With age comes wisdom. Dave and I know our kids. We know the types of people they are and, subsequently, the type of person they each need to marry. Besides, parents today don’t even let their kids ride their bikes outside the neighborhood. Why in the world, then, should we give them permission to make this incredibly important decision all by themselves??
• We wouldn’t have to take away all choice. Parents could give options. Like a list. Or a multiple choice quiz. We wouldn’t have to pick just one potential spouse. Personally, I have three or four options in mind for each of my kids. I’m okay with any of those three or four options. See how generous I am? Freedom – with boundaries.
• Marriage takes work. Ask anyone who has been married for any length of time. Good marriages aren’t a result of finding the “perfect” person. It is a result of working together through good and bad, being committed to each other no matter what.  What better way to begin that practice than by being forced together, possibly against your will?

The End.

Recently, I watched a documentary about the Roosevelts. In it, several biographers affirmed something amazing: had Franklin D. Roosevelt not contracted Polio at age 39, he would not have been prepared to be President at age 51. What that disease did for him was teach him to overcome incredible difficulties and connect  to other struggling Americans. Those lessons informed his decisions as he led the country out of the Great Depression and into World War II.

What seemed like a tragic event in his life was really a gift.

I thought of Joseph in the Bible. He, too, had tragedy thrust upon him. Several tragedies, in fact. Yet God used those tragedies to prepare him for a leadership position that saved his people.

I have seen this in my own life – on a much smaller scale. Events that seemed tragic actually turned out to be beneficial. My character was developed, my faith deepened.

Romans 5:3-5 says, “We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (italics mine)

I don’t think I’ll ever be excited about suffering. But I can face it with faith and not fear, knowing God will use trials for my good and His glory. We know Him better as a result of suffering, we are better equipped to help others as a result of suffering, and we are conformed more into His image as a result of suffering.

Suffering draws us to God far more than the easy times do. And suffering reminds us this world is not our home: We are made for more – for a sinless eternity with the Holy God.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Teens today are having sex. A lot. Studies indicate that at least half of all teenagers are sexually active in high school. Personally, I think that number is conservative. It is as casual a part of many relationships as the goodnight kiss was back in the “old days.” It isn’t a stigma, isn’t embarrassing,isn’t shameful. It is considered a natural part of adolescence, necessary, even beneficial.

Those who disagree with this view of sex are seen as ridiculous prudes. We are mocked on TV shows, movies, even Broadway musicals. “What is the big deal?” They say. It’s a primal need, an itch that needs to be scratched. Monogamy in general is hopelessly out of fashion, even within marriage. So abstinence before marriage?? Laughable at best; harmful at worst.

Christian parents have an increasingly hard time with this issue, as well. Some don’t ever want to say the word. It is NOT a discussion they want to have with their “babies.” Other parents focus on just the negatives: teen pregnancy, STD’s, heartache…have sex and your life will be ruined. Some, who made mistakes in their own teen years, feel hypocritical telling their children to abstain when they chose not to.

Those of us – parents and teens alike – who hold to the Bible as our foundation must recognize two things:

1) Sex is a good thing

2) Sex is entirely reserved for the marriage relationship

We hear a lot about the second point. And, while people may not like it, there’s no getting away from the fact that sex is for marriage. Period. Not for people in a non-married, but committed, relationship; not for people planning to get married. Sex is for marriage.

Why?

Because of reason #1 – it is a good thing. It isn’t terrible, evil, scary, or disgusting. Sex is a gift given by a good God for our enjoyment. Within marriage, there is guilt-free, committed, life-long enjoyment of each other. It is part of the “one flesh” relationship God grants to the children He loves so much. It enhances a marriage, helps couples remain connected, provides a level of intimacy that, hopefully, carries over to all other aspects of marriage. Couples with healthy marriages have healthy sex lives.

It is because of how good this gift of sex is that we should guard it and protect it. While the desire may be there long before we can satisfy it, we are not powerless to give into it.

Teens, you don’t have to be in the half that chooses to give this gift away. Stand strong, even when everyone around you is falling for the world’s lies. God has something great for you – don’t miss out on His best.

Parents, you HAVE to talk with your kids about this subject. Not just once. Often. Pray for them. Pray for their future spouse. Model a healthy marriage for your kids. Don’t just kiss with the bedroom door closed. Let them see you kiss, give little tush-grabs. It’ll gross them out, but that’s all right. They see it with non-married couples all the time. They need to see it within marriages.

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.” ~I Thess. 4:3-5