MY BLOG POSTS

Most girls crave relationships. We want to be known and loved and thought about. We want to share our feelings, our ups and downs, our questions and frustrations with those who will listen and understand. We spend hours watching movies and TV shows that glorify these kinds of relationships – perfect marriages and friendships where brief struggles are resolved and everyone lives happily ever after.

The reality, of course, is that friendships aren’t always beautiful, and marriage isn’t always perfect. There are glimpses of beauty, of course, and moments of perfection in these relationships. But anytime sinful humans are involved, there will be tears, frustrations, annoyances…Our friends can be draining, our guys can be insensitive. Or vice-versa! Feelings get hurt, we say things we regret. What we thought was the “perfect” relationship, we realize, is flawed. Disappointing. So we “start over” with another friend, another guy. But no one can live up to unrealistic, super-human expectations. So the cycle continues.

UNLESS we understand this: What we are craving – a soul-deep, unconditional love – is already ours! The God who created us gave us those cravings, and they will only be fully satisfied in Him. Not even the greatest of BFF’s or the most amazing of boyfriends/husbands can truly meet all our needs. They aren’t supposed to! In fact, one of the greatest paradoxes in life is that the more we try to find fulfillment in another person, the more empty we feel.

However, when we fully surrender to the One who loves us more than we can possibly imagine, we find everything we are looking for. We find true, soul-deep, unconditional love. And God’s love in us allows us to love others without unrealistic expectations. God’s love in us allows us to forgive offenses and be patient with shortcomings and always hope for the best. It even allows us to walk away, if a relationship is destructive. Because the only One we “need” is the One who will never leave us, forsake us, or let us down.

So, as you consider what your #relationshipgoals are, don’t look around. Look up. The “one” is already there, already loving you and listening to you and knowing you. You already have what you want.

A former pastor used to say we’re all either entering a trial, exiting a trial, or in the middle of a trial.

It sounds pretty rough, I know. But those of us who have been walking with the Lord for a while know this is true. And, honestly, as I look back on a quarter century as a Christian, I realize that the times I feel closest to God is when I am in the middle of a trial. It’s in those times, difficult as they are, that I am desperate for Him. I need time in His word, in prayer, in fellowship with others, to get through each day. I know God allows trials, in part, to do that – draw us to Him, remind us that He is our strength.

But what about the in-between times? I’m there right now – though I’m slightly afraid to admit it. (As if I could “jinx” myself. Silly.) I am, in my former pastor’s words, “between storms”. The “storm” of moving and the difficulties involved in that have abated. The storm of having my first child leave the nest is on the horizon, but it’s not here yet. Life is pretty easy right now.

And that’s the problem.

I find myself pushing “Snooze” when I should be getting up and spending time with God. I allow my thoughts to drift to lesson plans and grocery lists during church. I choose staying home and reading over getting together with friends. I don’t “need” those things. So I do my own thing.

As a result, I am feeling distant from God. I am missing the passion I have when I’m in the “fire” – not that I want to be there! But I do want that closeness, that longing for God, that nearness to Him. I don’t want to have to enter a storm to force me to His side. I want to live there, to dwell in the shadow of His wings.

After 25 years of knowing Jesus, I feel like I should be better at this! And there is certainly growth, don’t get me wrong. But I still get lazy, complacent. I still allow the fire of passion to get dulled in the daily routine of a comfortable life.

In short, I still  need Jesus. Even in the “in-between”.

We’ve all been there. Someone we care deeply about is contemplating – or actively pursuing – something (or someone!) terrible. What do we do?

As a confrontation-hater, I like to “just pray about it” and avoid the person. God can change them, right? And He is in control. So He will make sure that loved one gets the message.  I’ll jump back in once God has done His thing….Until, as a confrontation-hater-that-occasionally-explodes, I just can’t take it anymore and then I say something I deeply regret.

This strategy doesn’t really work all that well.

And it’s definitely not biblical.

God certainly calls us to pray for our brothers and sisters. But we are also called to action. Galatian 6:1 tells us that believers should seek to restore someone who is in sin. Matthew 18 shows us how to do it: 1) confront the person one-on-one 2) if he/she doesn’t listen, bring in another person 3) if the person still doesn’t listen, bring him/her before the church.

God takes sin seriously. Sin keeps us from fully experiencing His purpose in our lives, from doing what God has called us to do, from knowing Him. How can we say we love someone, then, if we allow him/her to continue in sin? If we “just pray about it”, but do nothing to stop him/her?

This means that even us confrontation-haters need to confront – one-on-one first, then with someone else, if that isn’t effective. We need to be willing to bring in church leaders, as necessary, if the second step fails.

We don’t do this because we’re angry or harsh or judgmental, but because we love people too much to allow them to continue down a path that will destroy them. Occasionally, this means that we have to establish boundaries that mean a relationship is put on hold. Again, not because we are angry or trying to hurt someone, but because sin is serious. We are called to reflect God in every way – His love and His righteousness.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” Sometimes, the greatest love we can show someone is to refuse to enable them to continue walking down a path that will destroy them.

When I began my AP Literature class this week, I told the students the key to success in that class can be stated in two words…

Slow. Down.

Students who rush through the AP readings (complex literature with many layers) miss most of what the passages are about and can rarely analyze the passages correctly. But students are so conditioned to rushing through so much of life – the downside of having the world at your fingertips – that the idea of slowing down is foreign.

As I wrote those words on the board (Hangman-style, as requested by the students), I realized that I need to follow my own advice. Not for AP Lit, but for life. I tend to rush through much of my day. I multitask far too often and still find tasks that I have forgotten. I finish one day while planning the next. Too often, I only half-listen to my husband when he talks to me because my mind is somewhere else – where are the kids? Did I leave the coffee maker on? Did I make the copies that I need for tomorrow…?

I need to slow down. To enjoy each moment. I don’t want to keep looking back at my days and realize I spent them distracted rather than engaged. There’s nothing wrong with planning. But rushing in life, as in AP Lit, can keep me from missing the true beauty right in front of me. It can prevent me from enjoying the people God has placed in my life right now.

Worse, it can keep me from God Himself. When I am rushing, I fly through my Bible study and prayer time because I am thinking of what comes next. How many lessons has God wanted to teach me, lately, that I have missed because I am not slowing down and listening to His voice? How many people has He placed in my path that I have ignored because I am too involved in my own plans to consider His?

This teacher needs to follow her own advice and Slow. Down. Enjoy each day because God hasn’t promised us tomorrow. And because tomorrow has enough worries of its own. And because God is here, today, and He has plans for me today.

Maybe you need this reminder, too. It’s so easy to rush, so easy to be distracted. So incredibly easy to focus on the temporal and neglect the eternal. But there is a remedy: Slow. Down.

“This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Ps. 118:24 (emphasis mine)