MY BLOG POSTS
Ruled by Rules
I like rules. I like boundaries and expectations. I like to-do lists. I like the feeling of accomplishment when I have completed an assigned task, according to the specific rules set in place for that task.
There are some good things about being a rule follower: I get things done, usually on time and usually according to the directions. I avoid doing “bad” things. Even in high school, I tended to avoid the parties and groups that encouraged lawless behavior. I learn from others who break rules, and I avoid the consequences I see them face.
There are some bad things about being a rule follower, too. Those of you who hate following rules already know these (and can probably add to them!): I can be very self-righteous when I see others breaking the rules. I can spot the hypocrisy in other rule followers, and it annoys the crap out of me (which is is hypocritical of me, I know). I can judge others, not based on their actual character, but based on how well they follow rules.
The worst, though, is that, along with being a rule follower, I can also be extremely prideful. So that, when people break rules and those broken rules affect me, I get very frustrated. But because I am also a people pleaser, I often keep that frustration to myself, letting it fester in my mind and take root and become bitterness. How DARE that person do that to ME?? Doesn’t he know the RULES? Hasn’t he read in the Bible where it says (fill-in-the-blank with whatever offense is gnawing away at me). Then, as you read in my previous post, when I can’t hold all that in anymore, I explode. And break all the rules.
Here’s the thing, though: The whole point of Jesus coming to earth was because man was completely incapable of rule-following his way into heaven. We can’t make ourselves righteous. We can’t make ourselves holy. In fact, when we try that, we get even farther from God, even farther from Truth.
Jesus came to abolish the Law. But not so we can just do whatever. It is not a freedom to sin. It is a freedom from sin. We honor God’s rules, not because we are trying to “earn” holiness, but because we have it – through Christ – and because His ways really are best. His boundaries are meant to protect us, to shepherd us. Sin – like pride and hypocrisy and unkind thoughts – stunts our growth, makes us miserable, weighs us down.
My biggest struggle is dealing with my own sins and releasing the sins of others – even the offenses – to God. I can’t make people “follow the rules”. I can’t convince or berate or “expose” them into doing what is right. I can’t change anyone. But, through the power of Christ, I can change. I can follow his rule: To love God and love others. Instead of being ruled by rules, I can live in the glorious freedom of being ruled by Christ.
Shut Your Mouth!
I have several talents I am grateful for, that I hone and try to improve, that I practice alone and with groups. But I have one particular talent that brings me far more shame than pleasure: Speaking without thinking.
I have used this talent in far too many places with far too many people to far too disastrous results. It’s not always end-of-the-world stuff. But it is always annoying at best and damaging at worst.
When I was in college, my friends would laugh at me because, no matter what was being discussed, I’d have a story for it. Rather than listening to what others were saying, engaging them, asking them questions about their story, I sat waiting, mentally preparing for when I could speak and regale the group with my story. Looking back now, I realize how incredibly gracious my friends were with me. They just let me talk, rather than turning to walk away because – invariably – I would be telling a story they’d already heard.
And that’s a more positive example. Let’s not even talk about when I yelled at a good friend, calling her a selfish jerk in front of a whole crowd of our friends. Or when I told a young man, in a very unkind manner, that he was not worthy of the girl he was dating. Or when I completely lost it in front of the entire cast of a play I was directing (more than once, for more than one play).
In every case, I let my mouth run while my brain raced to catch up. By the time I realized how ridiculous, rude, and/or arrogant I had been, it was too late. The damage had been done. What I needed to do, in every case, was to just shut my mouth.
I am going to get frustrated, I am going to get angry, I am always going to think of stories I could tell. But that doesn’t mean that I need to say everything that pops into my head. I need to think over what I am going to say, I need to make sure that what I am saying is kind, beneficial, necessary. I need to guard my mouth so that what comes out builds people up and doesn’t tear them down.
“The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
and their tongues speak what is just.” ~Psalm 37:30
Stop Trying So Hard
I’ve been thinking a lot about grace lately. It is a concept I have always struggled with. I mean, I know salvation is by grace…not by works lest any man should boast. (I grew up Southern Baptist, after all!) But I am constantly catching myself working. Do I read my Bible because I love God and want to know Him? Or because I think I am earning “points” with him? Do I treat people with kindness because that is how God treats me, or because I want people to like me? How seldom do I really just rest in the grace God gives me?
My pastor has been teaching from the book of Luke on Wednesdays, and last week he spoke on the parable of the prodigal son. He brought out something I have never considered: that when the son returned, the Father didn’t just let him in – the Father was waiting for him, watching for him. And when the Father saw his long lost son, He ran. Our pastor described the Father lifting his tunic so his feet were freer, racing down the lane, completely unconcerned that he might look foolish. His joy in seeing his lost son return home was greater than any concern he had about what others might think.
This is grace. This is how God sees us. How He sees me. The Father isn’t sitting in the house, considering whether or not I have been “good enough” to earn His attention or His love. He doesn’t meet me on the lane as I return and tell me all the ways I have failed. He doesn’t give me a “To Do” list that I need to complete to earn His favor. I have it. As a friend says, “I am God’s favorite!” And I am. So are you!
I know I spend WAY too much time trying WAY too hard. I get frustrated at myself because I don’t measure up. And I get frustrated with others because they don’t measure up, either.
How different would we be if we simply accepted the grace God offers us and lived in light of that? Loved in light of it? What would our relationship with God look like? Our relationship with others?
I don’t know about you, but I find it exhausting – all this working, all these unrealistic expectations. I want to do more than know about this grace. I want to walk in it – be embraced by it. I want to stop trying so hard to earn something that I have already have.
Behind the Pages
Not Good Enough, my contribution to THE ELI DIARIES series, is available now!
The brainchild of prolific author, Bill Myers, this series asks the question, “What if Jesus were in high school today?” With that question in mind, Bill asked a few of us to write stories from the perspective of one of the biblical characters: Mary Magdalene (Maggie), Judas (Jude), Thomas (Tommy), Martha, and Peter (Pete).
Jesus, in this series, is called Eli, and each character interacts with Him in different ways. And each character, at this point in the story, is still a seeker of Truth. None, as yet, are followers.
When Bill called me to discuss writing Martha’s stories, I laughed. He saw Martha, pre-salvation, as a hypocritical, holier-than-thou pharisee whose “goody two-shoes” mindset prevented her from truly seeing that Eli is God’s son. I laughed because I have been that girl. I am, in the words of a favorite writer, a recovering pharisee myself.
From there, the story fell into place. Martha has two younger siblings – Mary and Laz. I have three children: two girls and a boy. Friends and family who read this will recognize elements of my children in the dialogue between these siblings. Friends and family will see quite a bit of “real life” in several of the characters, as a matter of fact. Writers are told to “write what you know,” and so that is what I tried to do.
Those of us who know God’s word know that Martha ended up being a devoted follower of Jesus. This project has allowed me to consider how she got there. It has been an exciting experiment. It has also been enlightening – as I expose Martha’s hypocrisy, I see my own. I, too, struggle to ‘earn’ God’s favor. I struggle with equating being good with being righteous. I also am in desperate need of the Grace of God, even though I don’t always recognize that need.
This is the first of Martha’s stories. There will be more in the coming months. Please read this and the other stories in this series, as this “world” is intertwined. And, if you enjoy them, please consider leaving a review.