MY BLOG POSTS

My daughters were not allowed to play with Barbies until they were 4 and 6 years old. We worried the unattainable body shapes of the toy would make our girls insecure about their own bodies. I know, I know. But this is what parents do.Especially with the first child. We are deathly afraid of scarring them for life – and we see “scar potential” in everything.

So until the fateful “Barbie ban” was lifted, our daughters – especially Emma (the oldest) – coveted the curvy toy. They played with them in secret when they went to friends’ houses. Emma, on a trip to my grandmother’s, spent an entire day in Barbie heaven when a fellow grandma gave her a huge box-o-Barbie’s to play with.

The girls would beg and plead for Barbies. When we were at Target or Wal-Mart, they would stare at the Barbie displays, longing spilling from every pore. Our friends and family joined them in the cause. How could we deny our daughters this American icon?

So we finally gave in. Emma and Ellie were thrilled. Our family was thrilled. Within weeks, they had a dozen Barbies with several changes of clothes, a carriage and horses, accessories, and dresses that matched their favorite Barbies. They were thrilled.

For a couple months.

Then they were done.

In a relatively short period of time, the “I can’t live without them” Barbies were collecting dust, and the girls had moved on. There were other toys they wanted more, other items they longed for in the toy store. The Barbies were fun for a while, but they weren’t as amazing as the girls thought they would be.

Isn’t that how it is, though, in life? The things we are SO sure we can’t live without are really only great when they’re unattainable. We only want what we can’t have.

My daughters did this with Barbies. I do this, too. If I could just buy that dress, that house, sell more books…I could go on. The elusive “if onlys” can plague all of us.

Paul, in his letter to the Philippians, tells the believers that he has learned the secret to being content whether he has a lot or a little. And he tells us the secret: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” (Phil. 4:13)

ALL things. Including living with the fact we can’t get everything we want. Learning to adjust our dreams to fit reality. Letting go of certain dreams because we trust God’s plans are far better than anything we can plan for ourselves.

Some of us are sure if we can just get __________, we’ll be happy. But like my daughters learned with their Barbies, happiness cannot be bought. But joy can be given. We can be content with a little or a lot if we learn to focus on the Giver and not the gifts

It sounds like a cliche, “living in the moment”. But it’s actually quite biblical. And quite difficult. Most of us struggle with living in the moment. My struggle is that I can too often live in the past — thinking of good times long gone or reliving offenses and getting angry all over again. Others battle with living in the future — thinking of what we’d like to do next month or next year, becoming increasingly discontent with the ‘right now’. All of us need work on living in the moment.

During Thanksgiving Break, my daughter was watching some old home videos. One segment in particular stuck out to me: It was 2002, and our girls were 1 and 3. It was cold outside, so we had set up a “slide” — a twin mattress propped up on the plaid couch in Dave’s office. Emma, age 3, was climbing to the top and sliding down. Ellie, 1, was not quite big enough to get to the top, so she sat at the bottom, looking up in anticipation. I was holding the camera, and Dave was on the computer, no doubt working on an assignment for a seminary class. I asked, “Dave, can you help Ellie?”

As I watched the video, I saw Dave look at the computer — and the work that he had to do for an upcoming class — then look at Ellie, her big blue eyes wide. He nodded, pushed away from the desk, and grabbed Ellie. He placed her at the top of the mattress, and she slid down, laughing. Dave didn’t just do it once and return to his paper. At least a dozen more times, Dave placed Ellie at the top of the “slide”, watching her come down, and doing it all over again. His computer eventually went into “Sleep” mode, as his work was set aside in favor of his daughter.

This, I thought, is living in the moment. We are not perfect parents, but as I watched that video, I recognized, that day, we did it right. We saw that our precious toddlers were having fun, and we joined in. Well, Dave joined in. I recorded it. I couldn’t have imagined at that moment that those girls would have a brother a year and a half later. I certainly couldn’t have imagined all the changes and surprises, great times and difficult times we’d face as a family. And I didn’t need to. At that moment, I just needed to enjoy my girls. I needed to laugh as Dave helped Ellie up. I needed to record their faces and voices. I needed to put the camera down and make them lunch, then lay down with them at nap time and read them stories.

I wish I could say that I live every day like that day. But, too often, I don’t. Too often I relive the past or worry about the future, and I miss out on today. But today, James reminds us, is all we are assured of. Yesterday is gone – we can’t change it. Tomorrow isn’t promised. So I need to live today to the fullest.

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Mt. 6:34

This is the time of year that we tend to think about Thankfulness. But, really, thankfulness should be part of our every day lives. Our minds are our greatest battlefield. What better way to “arm” ourselves for battle than by filling our minds with what is good, true, pure, and right?

I was listening to a podcast earlier this week, and the speaker encouraged her listeners to be thankful for what doesn’t change. Too often, we can just focus our thankfulness on circumstances. That works fine when life is going well. But what happens when we face trials? Do we just assume we have nothing to be thankful for? Do we endure with frowns and frustration? When we make a practice of thanking God for what doesn’t change, then circumstances don’t have as much power over us. And what doesn’t change? GOD! His love, His power, His goodness, His omniscience, His grace, His forgiveness…We should meditate on these qualities, praising and thanking God for them, thinking about what these attributes mean for others, for us, for eternity. It’s amazing, really. And so much more worthy of our thoughts than our insecurities, our bitterness, or our plans.

While that really should be the main source of our thankfulness, we should still be thankful for the good gifts God gives us. I remember several years ago when pretty much everything in my life was going really, really, well. My first book was about to be published, I loved every part of my job, I loved every part of my ministries at church, my family was doing well, I had amazing friends. Life was practically perfect. I remember thinking then that this might very well be as good as it gets, as far as circumstances went. I was tempted to have that thought bring me down – was if this was as good as it gets? And I was just in my mid-thirties? Would I look back and long for this moment the rest of my life? (I can be a “little” dramatic!). Instead, I just enjoyed the moment, thanking God for all the good gifts He was lavishing on me. Knowing that we shouldn’t miss out on the joy of this moment by worrying about what may come next.

Last year, as many of you know, was probably the worst year of my life, as far as circumstances went. And I had some months when I chose to meditate on all the awful that was happening. I was miserable then. However, when I chose to focus on the good – on the character of God that never changes, on the good gifts He gives, even in the middle of difficult times, my attitude changed. Not my circumstances. My attitude. God never promises a problem-free life. But He does give us the tools and the grace to endure whatever circumstances arise.

So as we think about Thankfulness this Thanksgiving month, let’s make having a thankful attitude a priority. Every day. Let’s not permit circumstances to dictate how we feel or how we think. God has given us all SO MUCH to be thankful for. Let’s fill our mind with that.

This is a re-post from six years ago. But, as I was reminded just yesterday, suicide is an issue that is, unfortunately, timeless. Friends, if you are hurting, talk to someone. Please. You are far more loved than you know.

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Last week, a friend’s teenage son committed suicide. The news was devastating – to his family, his friends, everyone. But it wasn’t just devastating – it was completely unexpected. Had his parents known he was struggling, they would have done anything possible to help him. Their love for him is deep.  There is nothing they would not have done to spare him this tragic end. But they had no idea. He suffered in silence and, when he couldn’t stand it any longer, he chose to end his suffering.

As I pray for this precious family, I keep thinking how I am sure they would give anything – anything – to turn back time a week, a month, to change what happened last week. I have no doubt his parents would have gladly given their own lives to spare his, had they been given that option.

Tragically, time cannot be turned back, and this painful reality will always be a painful reality for this family. But, just in case any of you reading this are considering suicide, please – PLEASE – seek help. Talk with someone. Pain is real and disappointments are real and life can sometimes be incredibly difficult. But the answer is not to end this life. Even if you have been hurt by family, by friends, by a girlfriend or boyfriend, by crushing disappointments, life is worth living.

There is help. There is hope. You are not alone. There are caring counselors and medical professionals who have tools and expertise to help you. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

You are loved. Deeply. By the Creator of the world, the Savior of mankind. “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” Jn. 3:16 All through the bible, we read about God’s amazing, incredible, limitless love – for all of us. Because all of us are flawed, sinful, in desperate need of a Savior. God knew that, and He sent us a Savior: His son. And that Savior is waiting with open arms for YOU. Because He loves you so very much. Because your life matters.

If you are considering suicide, talk to someone you trust or call the number above. Today.