MY BLOG POSTS

I subbed for a friend in church Wednesday night. 4th and 5th graders. No problem, right?

Wrong!

The first assignment she had planned was “get to know you” questions. I decided to add a few things to the list. Along with name, school, and hobbies, I included “secret info.”Elementary teachers are groaning. You don’t ask 4th graders to tell secrets! But I am a high school teacher. When I ask this, my students say stuff like, “I can eat a gallon of ice cream in one sitting,” or “I still watch SpongeBob.”

And, really, the whole thing was going fairly well with these 4th and 5th graders. Except the kids were saying stuff like “I have 5 siblings” and “My dog is named Fido.” Not really top secret, but fine. The goal was to get to know them, so that worked.

Then we got to the last kid. I knew I was in trouble as soon as I looked at him. He had a wicked gleam in his eye. “I have a secret,” he says (insert maniacal laugh here). And he stands up and looks at the the kids and says…

“There’s no Santa!”

Next time, I’ll stick to the script.

But I think I might not be asked to sub again. Ever. And that’s no secret.

I know, I know: “Grammar is boring.” “It’s stupid.” “It makes no sense.” “I’ll never use this in real life.”

Yes; sometimes; very true; and oh, yes you will!

Like it or not, you need good grammar.

Why?

Because how you communicate communicates. And no matter what occupation you choose, you will have to communicate. You have to speak. Some more than others, sure, but everyone must speak at least a little in his/her career. And, believe it or not, everyone has to write, too. Letters, e-mails, memos, requests…Ask anyone. You never get away from words, never escape sentences. They will be part of your life forever.

I love the TV show “What Not to Wear.” I love that they transform someone – without surgery, without needles, without peroxide — from frumpy to fabulous in just a few short days. They take a woman who dresses badly – either colorless, baggy clothes or too-tight, too-bright clothes – and teach her how to dress in a way that flatters her body and “makes her inside reflect her outside.” A middle-aged woman wearing skin-tight mini-skirts and tube tops is saying something with her wardrobe. What she is saying is not something I would type on my blog. But rarely does that woman mean to be communicating that message. What she wants is to be taken seriously, to attract “the right kind of man,” to get that dream job. But none of that can happen when she’s dressed like Snooki.

A week later, however, she returns home in her A-line dresses and patterned pants and blouses and…WOW! Her friends and family are blubbering fools. She looks amazing. She feels amazing. And she commands the respect that she has craved.

Proper grammar is like a good wardrobe. It makes you look good. It impresses people, makes them take you seriously. It removes barriers that would keep people from being able to “see” the real you, the best you.

Is it annoying? Yes! Is it confusing? You betcha! But is it necessary? Sadly, yes it is. Without it, you sound like Snooki dresses. And that just ain’t pretty.

We all have goals. For those of you still in school, it may be good grades, a date with that special guy/girl, acceptance to a certain college. For the rest of us, it may be getting a raise, having a family, going back to school.

None of these goals, in themselves, is bad.

But if they are “the” goal, then they’re not just bad.

They’re crap.

And I mean that in the most literal, biblical sense.

Check out these verses from Paul’s letter to the Philippians:

“The very credentials these people are waving around as something special, I’m tearing up and throwing out with the trash—along with everything else I used to take credit for. And why? Because of Christ. Yes, all the things I once thought were so important are gone from my life. Compared to the high privilege of knowing Christ Jesus as my Master, firsthand, everything I once thought I had going for me is insignificant—dog dung. I’ve dumped it all in the trash so that I could embrace Christ and be embraced by him.” (Phil. 3:7-8, The Message)

Paul is saying that nothing – no science project, no research paper, no cute guy, no job, no diploma – nothing on earth compares to knowing Christ Jesus. Then Paul says that everything else he used to think was so important (and he had quite the list of accomplishments), was as insignificant as dug dung.

And yet, we spend most of our energy on the poop. We stress over it, gossip about it, spend time and money and brain cells on it. We are rolling around in poop, covering ourselves in it everyday. Parents, we push our kids into the poop. Teens, you let the media and your friends dump bucketloads of poop on your heads everyday.

Let’s get out of the waste. Let’s clean up, leave that pile of poop behind, and seek Christ Jesus. Let’s do what we were created to do. Let’s fully embrace Christ and experience the pure joy of being embraced by Him.

I choose to refuse the poop.

Who’s with me?

Tattoos are incredibly popular. There are tattoo parlors all over the place – in storefronts, in malls, in the city and the country. There are upscale tattoo parlors, non-smoking tattoo parlors, tattoo artists working alongside make-up artists and hair stylists. Tattooing is a statement, it’s art, its fun, it’s meaningful…

But it’s not for me.

I’m not saying it’s wrong. Lots of people I know and love have tattoos. I’m just letting you peek in my head (be careful, it’s messy!) and see how I came to my conclusions. You, of course, are free to  make your own choices. Unless you’re still living at home or being supported by Mom and Dad. Then you need to do what they say, whether you like it or not. When you’re making your own money you can go out and get a tattoo of you getting a tattoo while your parents look on in horror. Until then, just content yourself with doodling on your hand with a ball point pen.

But I want to get a tattoo of a cross or of Jesus so everyone will know I’m a Christian.

Seriously? We show our love for Jesus by our actions, by how we treat others, by how we forgive, how we encourage, how we help those in need and comfort those in pain. No one is going to come to Jesus because he lives on your shoulder. But they will come to him when they see that he reigns in our hearts.

I want to get a “Mom” tattoo because I love her so much ?

Let me just say, as a mom, I would much rather have flowers. Or chocolate. I’d rather have you visit me when you’re grown, have you take care of me when I am old and sick. But tattooing me on your body? Not so much.

I want a tattoo of my favorite (sport/hobby/TV show/superhero). When I was in college, a classmate came into our Communications class sporting a shiny, huge, incredibly colorful tattoo of Sylvester the Cat on his forearm. A cartoon character. On his forearm. I looked at him and shook my head. We were seniors. He’d be out interviewing for jobs soon. With Sylvester the Cat on his forearm. I could hear the resumes being shredded. Don’t put something on your body that will embarrass you at any point in the near or distant future. Which brings me to the last argument…

I’m going to get my tattoo in a location no one will ever see. It’ll just be my fun little secret. So what’s the point? Why get it? And don’t tell me it’s so you’ll remember something or someone special. If you need a tattoo to remember someone or something, he/she/it isn’t really as important as you think he/she/it is. Seriously.

That is why I choose “Not” to tattoo. That, and this….