MY BLOG POSTS

The school shooting in Connecticut yesterday was horrific. I can barely think about it without crying. Innocent little children, brave teachers – gunned down…why?? Who would do something like that?

So many people – angry at this crime, hurting for these families – ask “Why would a ‘loving’ God allow this?”

I believe God knows everything, that nothing takes him by surprise. I believe he is all powerful, there is nothing he cannot do. And I also believe God gives us free will to make choices that he does not want us to make. All the way back in the Garden of Eden, God wanted Adam and Eve to do what he asked: to enjoy this paradise, but to avoid one tree. Adam and Eve chose not to obey God. God could have stopped them before they ate that fruit. He could have hopped down and ripped it from their hands. But he didn’t. Why?

Because if God forces us to do what he wants us to, we have no free will. We are puppets who do what we do because we are forced to do it. God doesn’t want puppets. He wants sons and daughters. So he allows us to choose him or reject him. He allows us to follow his example of goodness and sacrificial love. Or we can, like Adam and Eve, follow the Evil One, who, in his arrogance, was expelled from heaven for choosing to believe he was greater than God, that he didn’t need to follow the rules God established.

Jesus Christ came to set us free from slavery to sin. He came to bring life – abundant life. He died on the cross to pay the penalty for the sins we committed so we wouldn’t have to pay that penalty. He rose from the dead because He is God and only God can defeat death. He is real and active. His Holy Spirit lives inside those of us who know Him, guiding us, helping us, comforting us. With His power, we can choose what is right, what is good. We can make choices that help to heal those who are broken and comfort those who are hurting. We can choose to forgive those who have wronged us.

Do not allow the Evil One to compound this tragedy by feeding you the lie that it is God’s fault. Humans that choose to ignore God, to use their freedom to mock God and his righteousness bring evil into this world. God does not. Paul tells us in Galatians 5:1 that “It was for freedom that Christ set us free.” So let us live in that freedom, let us walk in that freedom. Let us use that freedom to bring good into the world – the way God did for us that first Christmas.

My third book, Right Where I Belong, was released yesterday! I am always excited about my book releases, but this one was especially special. I actually came up with the idea for this novel right after I wrote First Date. I love the story of Ruth and wanted to tackle that, and I also wanted to address the struggles, frustrations and humor that moving to a new country creates.

When I first pitched this idea, my editor wasn’t sure about it. First Date has more “glitz” and she felt I needed to have more of that in the second book, to maintain reader interest. Plus, we both agreed that we loved Kara and wanted to see more of her. So after some serious brainstorming on the phone in the Dunkin Donuts’ parking lot, Starring Me was born.

After I finished that one, I once again pitched the idea for Right Where I Belong. I wanted to break away from the “girl on TV” element because I didn’t want to be pigeon-holed as the writer who only writes about girls on TV. My editors agreed that this was the time to tell Natalia’s story. I couldn’t wait to dive in!

At the time, I had a contract for three books, and this was my third (I have since signed a contract for three more — more on that later! — but I didn’t know that when I was writing RWIB). So, in case this was my “swan song,” I wanted to throw in everything that is important to me: Places I love, like Spain and Costa Rica are in there. Learning to live in a different culture is in there. Serving in ministries and the frustrations of being related to a pastor are there, as are dealing with divorce and watching someone battle depression. And, of course, seeking to discover  what you are meant to do when there are so many voices telling you what they think you should do. And beaches, shopping, an arrogant boy, paella, demolition, and stepping in dog poo.

I enjoyed writing this book, I enjoyed “living” in this book. Of all three, these characters seemed most like friends, and these situations are closest to my heart. Books are like kids – authors love them all. But, unlike kids, we do have favorites. And this one is mine! I hope you enjoy it, too!

Forgiveness is possibly the hardest of all the commands God gives us Christians. I prefer the easy stuff like “Do not kill.” I’ve got that. But forgive? Oh, man. That one is hard. And I haven’t even had really terrible things done to me. I think of people who have been molested, Christians in other countries who have been tortured, children who have been abused. Compared with those, my list of grievances seems insignificant.

But, honestly, sometimes it’s easy to hang onto the list of grievances. I can enjoy stewing in anger and submerging myself in self-righteousness. “How DARE that person do/say that?” “She thinks I’m wrong? After what she has done?” I have spent days, weeks thinking of all the ways someone has wronged me. I find new reasons to stay angry in every look, email, even body language. Sometimes, I even bring others in. To “advise” me of course. I tell them how I have been wronged and wait for them to agree that I am SO right and that person is awful. So I add the sin of gossip to my sins of bitterness and anger.

You can see the problem here. First, I am miserable. Then, people around me are miserable. Worst of all, my relationship with God is affected because I am blatantly disregarding His word. In many ways. Even my health is affected – I don’t sleep as well, my head aches and stomach does strange things.

And many times, I refuse to forgive because the other person hasn’t asked for it, yet. They don’t think they have done anything wrong. How dare they!! Therefore, I MUST be angry and let them know it so they will see their wrong and seek my forgiveness.

But, as much as I have tried, there is nothing in the Bible that supports any of that. God doesn’t give me permission to hold onto anger and bitterness. He does not allow me to withhold forgiveness. Not for any reason.

Before I go on, let me be clear: Forgiving a sin is not the equivalent of excusing a sin. In fact, when our kids were little and they had to ask each other for forgiveness, we wouldn’t let them respond with “That’s okay.” Your sister stealing your toy right from your hands is NOT okay. But you can still forgive her for it.

What about something worse than stealing a toy? Aren’t there certain actions that are unforgivable? I don’t think so. Again, you aren’t excusing what happened. You aren’t saying that person shouldn’t face consequences. A woman can forgive her abuser and still testify against him in court. Forgiveness does not mean that we allow ourselves or others to be mistreated or abused without facing the consequences. It does mean that we free ourselves from the bondage that comes with bitterness and anger. We live in the freedom of knowing we have done what is right, even if those around us do not. Even if they do not seek forgiveness or admit they need it.

There is joy in forgiveness. Freedom. Peace. It is hard, no doubt. And we can think of MANY reasons why we shouldn’t have to forgive. But those reasons are not from the Lord. Here’s what He has to say about it:

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” ~Col. 3:13

As a mother of three – two tweens and a teen – I think the practice of arranged marriages should be reinstated.

Forget the fact that my husband and I wouldn’t be married if that practice had been in place when we were dating, nor would any of our friends. Or our siblings. But whatever. I am a parent now, not a young person looking for my soul mate.

So back to the topic. I will explain my reasons using bullet points. Because no one can argue with bullet points.

Here we go.

Why the practice of arranged marriages should be reinstated:

• I want to pick who my co-grandma is going to be. I mean, seriously, I have some friends who would be terrific grandma’s! We could go shopping for baby clothes together, we could take the little tykes to the zoo together. And if we are friends, we won’t argue over who gets the kids on Thanksgiving. We’d just all eat together. One big happy family!
• With age comes wisdom. Dave and I know our kids. We know the types of people they are and, subsequently, the type of person they each need to marry. Besides, parents today don’t even let their kids ride their bikes outside the neighborhood. Why in the world, then, should we give them permission to make this incredibly important decision all by themselves??
• We wouldn’t have to take away all choice. Parents could give options. Like a list. Or a multiple choice quiz. We wouldn’t have to pick just one potential spouse. Personally, I have three or four options in mind for each of my kids. I’m okay with any of those three or four options. See how generous I am? Freedom – with boundaries.
• Marriage takes work. Ask anyone who has been married for any length of time. Good marriages aren’t a result of finding the “perfect” person. It is a result of working together through good and bad, being committed to each other no matter what.  What better way to begin that practice than by being forced together, possibly against your will?

The End.