Perfect Attendance Awards Should Be Banned


If a kid is sick, he needs to stay home. I don’t want him coming to school, breathing all over me and my healthy family just so he can get an award.

I’d like to make a new award: “The thank-you-for-staying-home-when-you-were-sick” award. Kids who come to school every day won’t be eligible. No awards for them. Only shame and embarrassment. Perfect attendance will result in detentions. A healthy return from an illness-related absence = ice cream.

For the kids who actually are healthy an entire school year – they have their reward. No doctors’ visits, no antibiotics, no forced days on the couch watching Lifetime movies and overdosing on OJ.

I know some of you are reading my blog and crying because I won’t buy you ice cream. But there it is. I am pro-sickie and proud of it. Mine will be a snot-colored ribbon, embroidered onto a surgical mask. All of us anti-perfect-attendance folks will wear them on awards day. And we will mock you as you go to get that award that cost us so dearly.

So there, you perfect attender. Na-na-na-na-na.

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