Weak

I don’t like being in charge of things. I want the proverbial buck to stop with someone else. Not me. I don’t like the success or failure of anything to be dependant on me. It stresses me out.

So what does God do? He puts me in charge of stuff.

Five years ago, I started directed musicals at the school where I teach. I love musicals. I love watching them, I love being in them. But directing them…? It is HARD. I have to be in charge of a bunch of people. I have to be organized. Really organized. I have to ask for help – because I have learned the hard way that I cannot do it alone. I have to make a schedule and stick to it. I have to plan ahead.  And on top of all that, I have to make decisions that are not always popular, so invariably, someone at some point ends up upset at me for decisions I have made. It is very stressful.

Why would God do this to me? Not because he hates me or is punishing me – though when I am in the middle, I wonder…! It’s because his strength is shown in our weaknesses. When we are in situations where we recognize we are weak, we seek God’s help more. We seek the help of others more. That is a good thing.

What’s not a good thing is that, when I am in situations where my weaknesses are evident, I can get very stressed, easily annoyed. I snap at students and threaten to call off the whole show because I am sure we won’t be ready for opening night. I lose sleep, lose weight, and lose my temper the week of a production. But when it is over, it is great (see pic!). I am happy, the kids are happy, the audience is happy. I realize that, in spite of my weaknesses, everything came together. And I promise myself next time, I won’t get so stressed…

But I still haven’t learned all the lessons I need to learn. I still find myself facing my weaknesses when directing. I still feel the same tension, frustration, annoyance. Sometimes I handle it better, sometimes not. But everytime I am faced with the reality that I am weak. I need help. Help from others, yes, but, more importantly, help from God. Help to react in ways that honor Him. To choose kindness over criticism, peace over stress, joy over frustration.

I am still learning, still growing, still messing up. But I know that each time God places me in a “weak” place, He is doing it for my good. And I have a choice – seek his strength, or wallow in my weakness.

“And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Cor. 12:9

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